Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
