i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
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What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
organizing the empties. That sober.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
YAS. BRING CRAB.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
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