When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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