listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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