how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
