3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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