my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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