he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
