Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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