Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
