i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
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I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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