Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
