I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
