I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
