you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
