I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
