I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
