I like to think it a success when the cops are called
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize