he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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