Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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