i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
