is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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