eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
