so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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