pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
me + whiskey = a bad person
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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