I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
