I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
