Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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