Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
