i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
being pregnant is like rehab
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
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