first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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