totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
