Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Randomize
