well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
