You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
