I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
