I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
