First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
