you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
