And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize