Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
