So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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