airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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