Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
