All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
