He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
