If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
