hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
