Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Randomize
