Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Randomize
