Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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