My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize