Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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