Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
