Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
