so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
