Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
