I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
