i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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