happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
