Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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