My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'd cum for enchiladas.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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