im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
