Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
