i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
