You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
