Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have started to decorate penises.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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