you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
