You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
40s are totally the cure
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
