I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
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I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
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Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
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