you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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