Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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